High up on the mountain, I look out into the expanse. I realize it’s a long way down. Fear jumps out startling me from my peaceful thanksgiving. My eyes open wide as I wonder how I even got this high. 

I’m afraid of being this high, remember? I can’t be up here by myself. I frantically look around me, and Fear whispers in my ear, “God isn’t up here with you, Mama. Maybe God isn’t really good. Do you see how high He brought you? It’s a loooong way back down. If He really knew you, He wouldn’t have made you climb this high or have given you this much. He doesn’t truly love you like His word says He does.”

And in those few words, all the work that God has done—to show me He is good, that He is trustworthy, that He is FIGHTING for me—is swept away like a beautiful sandcastle washing out to sea. The devil knows exactly where my fears lie in quiet anticipation as he urges them to lurch out when called.

Does fear have you constantly looking over your shoulder? Wondering not only IF but WHEN something terrible is going to strike? Uprooting joy like it were a troublesome weed?

When I have so much good in my life, I start to question when it will all be taken away. My heart is pierced and fear oozes like a disease when I hear horrific stories about families losing their little ones.

Fearing he might not wake up from his nap, I hold my son a little longer before putting him into his crib. I pray over him, kissing his sweet head and feeling his soft, plump cheek next to mine. And then I reluctantly lay him down and step out of the room.

I am heartbroken for families I don’t know personally who have lost their children. I don’t know how to change it or fix it. I pray fitfully to God, begging Him to change it. But it’s not enough. Not for these families going through it.

I see the blatant heartbreak that others go through and think, “I am not strong enough to endure that. Surely God doesn’t have that planned for me.” But our world is sinful and broken. Full of lies, grief, and heartache. This wasn’t what God intended, but Eden was smashed when Eve was tricked into wanting more than God had given her.

When I stand by myself, looking out into the world, I am suddenly gripped with a fear so real it shoves me under the water, and I can’t find my breath. Other’s horrific pain sabotages my trust in God, and I begin to doubt if God is truly as good as He says. 

What is the scariest thing you can think of? A world without love. A world without God, the King of love. So when you imagine a world without love, fear starts to take hold. The fears start small as you begin climbing the mountain. They are no more than little questions or worries. Nothing to write home about. You worry about locking your car keys in the car, you worry about gaining a pound from eating so much birthday cake, or you worry about what you might look like in 40 years. 

As you continue steadily up the mountain, the “little” worries that remain unchecked at the beginning of the ascent begin to snowball. The more you are given the bigger the fears become. I can’t live without my husband. What if my child doesn’t wake up? What if a call comes the hospital that a loved has been in a car accident? Before you know it, your mind is your own prison as you envision scenario after scenario, breaking you down to tears. Fear silently creating a chaos so tragic you forget whose you are. The more I have in this world, the more I fear losing what is mine.

But…Oh Jesus, when I remember you and your word… 

“Perfect love casts out all fear.” Nothing is mine. Everything under the sun is God’s. It’s in His perfect hands, and under His perfect control.

His perfect love is perfected in me casting out all the fear that grips and binds and tears at my soul. “Cast out” or “drive out” are verbs. He’s not wishing away my fears. He’s not patting my back telling me it’s going to be ok. No, He has a sword and shield and literally blasting his way through the walls that fear has built. He is fighting for me, my family, everyone I love (Exodus 14:14).

And isn’t that just it? When I am reaching out, looking at the world for my affirmations, my fears run rampant. 

Bottom Line

Fear is thinking you have to climb the mountain, descend into the valley, face the world...alone. Fear is believing that God really doesn’t have a plan for you, that He really doesn’t love you as much as He says He does, that He is not with you always.

But...

Perfect love casts out all fears. Jesus, our perfect love, drives out every fear. He is not weak as I imagine Him plowing through my fears like bowling pins.

Even when the mountain becomes too high, the valley too deep, and the world’s most horrific stories too sad, you can place every fear on His perfect love. 

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...” 1 John 4:18

And for this, my soul has peace.